What an opportunity!

Job description for a 15-year-old doing work experience for 2 weeks in the HQ of a high street bank:

Assisting the Business Management Lab Lead with the compilation of reports concerning lab progress, governance and operational performance.  Additionally, there will be the opportunity to spend time with key colleagues to learn about:

End to end change delivery- across agile and traditional methods

Overview of sprint outcomes and challenges

Focus on customer experience- via engagement with our Human Centred Design team

Coding (software engineering, quality engineering)

Release management.

The lovely language of the millwright

INVOICE

29th and 31st October 2019

To the supply of tackle, removal of Quant and lifting wind stone,

 following a noticeable lack of grinding efficiency and an intolerable squeak.

To removal of bearing gland cap and lathe turning to concentricity.

To subsequent re-cutting of 'stitching' to upper and lower stones and

 to replacing top stone and Quant....................................£ 360.00

Many thanks,

Richard

From Aix to Ghent, or Vice Versa

How I brought the good news from Aix to Ghent or Vice Versa
by W C Sellar & R J Yeatman (from Horse Nonsense) 1933

 I sprang to the rollocks and Jorrocks and me,
And I galloped, you galloped, we galloped all three.
Not a word to each other: we kept changing place,
Neck to neck, back to front, ear to ear, face to face:

And we yelled once or twice, when we heard a clock chime,
“Would you kindly oblige us, is that the right time?”
As I galloped, you galloped, he galloped, we galloped,
ye galloped, they two shall have galloped: let us trot.

I unsaddled the saddle, unbuckled the bit,
Unshackled the bridle (the thing didn’t fit)
And ungalloped, ungalloped, ungalloped, ungalloped a bit.

Then I cast off my buff coat, let my bowler hat fall,
Took off both my boots and my trousers and all –
Drank off my stirrup-cup, felt a bit tight,
And unbridled the saddle: it still wasn’t right.

Then all I remember is, things reeling round,
As I sat with my head ‘twixt my ears on the ground –
For imagine my shame when they asked what I meant
And I had to confess that I’d been, gone and went

And forgotten the news I was bringing to Ghent,
Though I’d galloped and galloped and galloped and galloped and galloped
And galloped and galloped and galloped. (Had I not would have been galloped?)

ENVOI
So I sprang to a taxi and shouted “To Aix!”
And he blew on his horn and he threw off his brakes.
And all the way back till my money was spent
We rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled –

And eventually sent a telegram.

Rosy's response to conventional cartoons about cats