Saturday 16 April 2022

Farting for Health

Rosy was looking at our old copy of 'Alternative London' and told me she'd found a section on Fasting. I misheard her. Here is the section, if I'd been correct.

Farting

'Your body is your temple, respect it and what you put into it. Purify it by farting.'

How long you decide to fart for, or why, is purely a personal matter and should be based on the knowledge you have of your own state of health, mind, and capacity for endurance. It is important to know also how to break a fart - traditionally a meat-eater should break it on vegetables, and a vegetarian should break it on fruit. If you feel strong enough you should try to take some exercise. It can be dangerous to fart suddenly without anyone to help you, and you should purify your body first by eating good foods.

Farting is nature's way of healing but it is not a 'cure-all' for every known ailment. Total farting makes it possible for nature to remove and expel foreign matter and disease-producing wastes from the body.

A traditional farting drink is lemon juice mixed with honey.

Friday 15 April 2022

How to Get On in Society

 by John Betjeman

Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.

Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.

It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me

Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know what I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?

Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.